Look Out! There Goes the Spider, Man…

First- let me apologize for the late posting of this blog. I had to make a quick trip out of town, and fell behind in my writing. Add to that all the “fires” I need to put out upon returning to work, and – well, I’m sorry for the tardy blog. Onward and upward… By coincidence, I happened to pass the Great America theme park in my travels- and noticed that, as usual around this time of year, they had the big inflatable spiders climbing the old traditional wooden American Eagle roller coaster track set-up (I always thought that was a clever idea, with the lattice of wood holding up the tracks resembling a huge web)- but- something was different. There were three smaller spiders, but no “big mama” spider as in previous years. As I drove by, I could just barely read, above the trees in front of the construct, a large “tombstone” that read “R.I.P. Tiny”. I guessed that “Tiny” could only be an ironic nickname for that big missing spider- and wondered what might have happened to it. A quick check or two revealed the truth- the big inflatable spider did not survive the past year. According to an article in the Chicago Tribune, when park workers tried to inflate the balloon-like creature this year- it wouldn’t inflate. Evidently, they don’t make repair patches for spiders, because the park declared Tiny “deceased”-with the cause being pronounced as “old age”. (What IS the lifespan of a giant inflatable spider, anyway?) According to a ride mechanic quoted by Lisa Black in her article, the 45-foot long spider was hoisted into place every Halloween “Fright Fest” season- which was quite a feat, since the spider weighed in at about 200 pounds (not counting the weight of the air- or, wait- DOES that include the weight of the air? Wouldn’t some helium have made the job easier? And why couldn’t Tiny, like Scabby the Rat whom I mentioned in an earlier blog, be filed with helium for one of the big Chicago parades? (Try getting THAT one under the “L” tracks…). The Great America folks issued a wacky obituary for the spider, saying that she was found ”deflated and unresponsive…on Monday. Considered the icon of Fright Fest, Tiny will be missed by staff and guests alike.” They are saying a “faux funeral” will be held on September 29th, when Fright Fest opens. (Before you ask- although several people HAVE already asked- Svengoolie is NOT booked for Fright Fest this year. It’s been a couple years since I was, the reason supposedly being that a new ad agency took over the account a while back, and they distribute their advertising equally among all the Chicago media. Yes, it might make sense for them to put MORE into a show like ours, with an obvious draw to horror fans- and , it might help if they looked at the past and saw what huge crowds we drew for them. If you really want to see me there, perhaps you can contact them and ask why they haven’t booked me- before all my public appearance dates are spoken for.) They also plan on having a large chalk outline of the spider that riders on the Eagle will be able to see from their perch above the park. This adds an eerie new element- does that mean they think the spider was- MURDERED?! If I were them, my first move would be to look for the murder weapon- perhaps a 100 foot tall can of Raid…?