Rats Invade City!!!

Here in Chicago, we may be facing an invasion of horror movie proportions- maybe not as large as in “Food of the Gods”, but more along the lines of “Willard”- as sources claim that the population of rats has grown to huge proportions! It isn’t due to nuclear waste- nor space rodents from another world descending- according to the Huffington Post, the mild winter we had didn’t cause the usual drop in the rodent population- frigid cold causes a higher mortality rate in rats, and also keeps them from breeding as much (now, I’d think that, like the human population, the cold would cause a little more snuggling, resulting in more offspring, but- I’m not a rat- no matter what certain people say...) Add to that equation the fact that, when it’s warmer, more humans are outside, and they’re discarding food and trash that is beneficial to our little ratty neighbors. The Department of Streets and Sanitation, in spite of efforts to spread more rat poison and respond to calls regarding rodents more quickly, as early as last year, said that local government cuts to forestry and rodent control budgets could bring on more rats. The poisoning method has a lot of detractors, who feel there have been enough cases of innocent pets ingesting the poisons left for squirrels and rats that are made to resemble ground beef. Come to think of it, Ronald McDonald wasn’t looking so hot last time I saw him…KIDDING! IT WAS A JOKE!!! There are new ways to fight the rodent population explosion- one of which is- and get this- hunting down feral cats in the city- then, neutering them- vaccinating them- implanting a micro-chip to aid in keeping track of them- then, sending them back out into the streets as a sort of “rat patrol”. This method, being tested by Chicago’s 47th Ward in co-operation with the Tree House Humane Society, seems like an ecological and natural way to fight the rat pack. Since the cats are neutered, they won’t be creating a new problem- an upswing in the feral cat population; and might help to forgo the poisoning method, which doesn’t differentiate between the desired animal population and the unwanted ones. Let’s take this to a second level- we give these feral cats little jet-packs, and they can help to control the pigeon population as well! Or- if we reverse roles- they could start hunting down the rats, neutering THEM- and turn them loose. If they’re not reproducing, the population will die out. “Wait!” you may respond, ”but do we WANT the rats still running around?” Well- do we really want a bunch of feral cats roaming around? And what of the coyotes, raccoons, possums and bats? Who’s going to grab them, neuter them, and turn THEM loose? Maybe we should just capture the rats and train them- then, have them do tricks, like racing around “the Bean” and the Daley Center Picasso! Add them to the air and water show by putting them in big clear sealed plastic bubbles, and have them scamper across the surface of the lake in formation. We’re not the only ones with a booming rat population- according to the Huffington Post article, Boston is having the same sort of problem. Perhaps we could initiate an exchange program- bring some of the New En gland rats here, transplant some Chicago rats there- and let a natural sort of war between the factions help reduce the number of furry pests. Perhaps they can stage a Boston D (Con) Party…no, wait, that’s using poison again. Hey , rodents- micro-chips and dip, anyone?