12 delicious bygone beverages you will never drink again
Did you drink mixes like PDQ, Funny Face, Keen and Moo Juice?
Top image: Pillsbury / YouTube
Decades ago, children slurped sweet drinks such as Bosco, Ovaltine and Tang. While those brands might not fill the lunch boxes and grocery store shelves today, Boomers with nostalgic thirst can easily order them online. Heck, even cult favorites like Za-Rex seem to have resurfaced.
However, some delightful beverages of our youth remain memories. We wanted to focus on the the many mixes and milk additives that powered our Saturday mornings back in the day. We threw in a few bottled and canned soft drinks that tickled our fancy, too. Were any of these drinks your favorite?
1. Aunt Wick's Root Beer
Hankering for that refreshing flavor of flat root beer? These days, one must resort to letting a can of Barq's sit out for a day or sucking on a candy barrel. However, there was once an assortment of powdered root beer mixes. Kool-Aid, Wyler's and Funny Face produced the flavor, but nothing seems to push the nostalgia button online quite like Aunt Wick's.
2. Banana Frost
Sold in the produce section, Libby's powder turned a banana and some ice cubes into a frothy, creamy shake. Provided you had a blender, of course.
Image: Dan Goodsell / Flickr
3. Chocolate Soldier
There was once an unfathomable array of chocolate drinks and chocolate sodas. What happened? Today Yoo-hoo remains, but its competition has fallen on the beverage battlefield. Take Chocolate Soldier, for example, which could not win the soft drink wars despite its nifty name and cute packaging.
4. Cocoa Marsh
That's "Marsh" as in "-mallow" and not "swamp," we hope and assume. What set this "milk booster" apart from competition like Bosco was its lion mascot and pump. How many squirts would you put in a glass? Three? Seven?
5. Devil Shake
Pepsi tried to get into the chocolate game in the 1960s, too. Like Patio, the company's first attempt at Diet Pepsi, this beverage suffered from its curious branding, not to mention the fact the cola giant had to ask for help from the competing Yoo-hoo to solve the problem of shelf life.
6. Funny Face
Pillsbury's sweet entry into the Kool-Aid game had a bumpy history. At launch in 1964, some of the flavors and cartoon faces were ethnically insensitive. Chinese Cherry quickly became Choo Choo Cherry.
7. Great Shakes
"Any place can be a soda fountain now," the commercial sang with its faux Beach Boys sound. We love that the term "shake" is quite literal here. James Bond likely approved. This would have been a blast to whip up before watching Shindig.
Nestle's Keen was the neato, boss competitor to Kool-Aid. Flavors included Lemon, Grape, Orange, Cherry and "Tahiti Punch."
9. Moo Juice
Funny Face was to Moo Juice what Keen was to Quik. Pillsbury's milk mixers came in the standard chocolate and strawberry varieties. The print ads suggested adding a scoop of ice cream, because YOLO.
These magical milk beads, which looked closer to Sanka than Ovaltine, spawned its own sponsored game show, also titled PDQ. The brand was quite popular through the 1960s and 1970s. Take a look at this ad from the late '70s which uses the rarely seen adjective "crunchy" in its beverage pitch.
Image: johnbooth / Flickr
11. Purple Passion
We have largely focused on drink mixes, but this psychedelic soda merits inclusion. This carbonated Canada Dry delight was reportedly grape flavored, which makes sense. Did anyone drink this tie-dyed treat?
Image: Etsy / Phyndz
How's this for a lemonade mascot? A chunk of sugar who had his body cut in half, with difficulties conjugating verbs. "Pillsbury squoze me in half to make Squoze," the one-legged creature proclaims in an oddly chipper manner.
13. THERE'S MORE: 10 defunct sodas you will never drink again
There are far more forgotten cans beside Purple Passion in soda heaven. Take a look at our list of defunct soft drinks that includes beloved refreshers such as Rondo, Aspen and OK.