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14 piping hot toaster treats you will never eat again
Sloppy Joes from a toaster? Why is that no longer a thing?
Your toaster is jealous of your microwave. Sure, the toaster might get to toast the occasional bagel, but the microwave is where the real action is at. That appliance gets to pop popcorn, nuke your oatmeal, reheat the leftovers, heat Hot Pockets, crisp bacon, etc. The toaster makes bread more brown.
But in the era before the microwave, the toaster was the king of convenience. In the 1960s and '70s, as the frozen food aisle started to expand, a crop of delightful toaster treats popped up in grocery stores. You could make quick, handheld pizzas, sandwiches and danishes in the toaster.
We would still eat all of these things today. Unfortunately, we can't. We can only look at lists like this and drool nostalgically. Do you remember eating any of these?
1. Krazy Glazy
Nabisco cooked up Krazy Glazy as a competitor to Pop Tarts. Only one could win the marketplace, and it was Pop Tarts, because Pop Tarts are called "Pop Tarts" and "Krazy Glazy" sounds like a Sid and Marty Krofft character fronting a Greatful Dead cover band. Watch the kooky commercial (kommercial?) for these knock-offs.
2. Green Giant Snackwiches
The big green guy offered six varieties of these hot sandwich pockets — grilled cheese, cheese and ham spread, egg and bacon omelet, sloppy joe, pizza, and peanut butter and jelly. Two questions: What is "ham spread" and, two, who here enjoys hot PB&J? We admittedly do. Just curious.
3. Sooper Kookies
Nabisco also came up with these sweeter attempts to chip away at the Pop Tart market. Let's be honest, most Pop Tarts flavors today have turned more into desserts. Nobody looks at "Confetti Cupcake" as the breakfast of champions. Nabisco was actually a bit ahead of the curve here. We'd devour that Vanilla Creme Sooper Kookie on the left, which looks like a massive, warm Oreo.
Image: poptartsbox / tracis_retro / Dan Goodsell via Flickr
4. Betty Crocker Toastwiches
Why aren't toaster-made grilled cheese sandwiches a thing anymore? An informal office poll concludes that everyone would eat them. Just an idea, Betty Crocker.
Image: General Mills
5. Buitoni Toasterinos
"Pizzaburger" flavored Toasterinos — it's pizza, it's a burger, it's a toaster thing. Genius. Better yet, you don't have to slide one of those weird silver cardboard sleeves around it to crisp it up in a microwave.
Image: poptartsbox / Flickr
6. Pillsbury Orange Danish Swirls
Orange is an underrated breakfast food flavor. We used to have orange-flavored cereals (OJ's) and these citrusy Danish Swirls. Now we just have the juice and marmalade.
Image: poptartsbox / Flickr
7. HOWARD JOHNSON'S TOASTEES
HoJo's was once the largest restaurant chain in America, serving up 28 flavors of ice cream under its steep sherbet-orange roofs. Of course, they had food for every meal, too. Few items were more popular than its Toastees, which came in both plain corn and blueberry varieties. HoJo's sold them in grocery stores, too.
Image: sa_steve / Flickr
8. Kellogg's Danish Rings
We now enter the danish portion of the list. Kellogg's found the middle ground between its Danish Go-Rounds and Pop Tarts with these fruit-filled goodies.
Image: Jason Liebig / Flickr, courtesy of collectingcandy.com
9. Danish Go-Rounds
Even if you never had one, it's hard not to feel nostalgia for this delicious toaster treat. Kellogg's boldly declared Danish Go-Rounds to be a "new kind of toaster pastry." You could cut out stamps and send away for H.R. Pufnstuf puppets, too, back when these babies appeared circa 1970.
Image: inthe70s.com
10. Danka
As you can see, the toaster danish market was once robust. Today, it's nothing but Tarts. We have a minor gripe with this Toast'em product, however. The Danish say "Tak," while Germans say "Danke." But we have to admit, "Danka" sounds better on a box than "Tak."
Image: poptartsbox / Flickr
11. Poppins
Not to be confused with Mary Poppins, this Nabisco innovation took instant pizza to new levels of laziness. Good luck cleaning the cheese dripping off the heating coils!
Image: Mental Floss
12. BUITONI INSTANT PIZZA
Buitoni had the sense to make their toaster pizza more of a Hot Pocket. The rounds developed quite a devoted following. There is even a Facebook page petitioning to bring these pizza pockets back to market.
13. Kellogg's Presto Pizza
Have you ever wondered, "Why don't they make pizza Pop Tarts?" Well, they did.
Image: Dan Goodsell / Flickr / Serious Eats
14. Pop Tarts Snak Stix
The official sponsor of the 2002 American Idol arena tour! A hybrid of Pop Tarts and Twix, these snappable snacks disappears quickly.
Image: poptartsbox
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