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14 vintage Thanksgiving foods we're thankful to never eat again

Sometimes it's okay to say, "No, thanks."

Thanksgiving is a wonderful holiday. It brings people together. You gather with family and dig into traditional food that has been passed down from generation to generation — grandma's green bean salad, candied yams, butter-sage stuffing.

However, some recipes are not handed down, with good reason. Sometimes, it's best to leave some side dishes in the past. Our tastes have changed over the years. For starters, we are far less into gelatin. (Assuming, of course, you are not reading this in the Upper Midwest.) And good luck serving anything with "loaf" in its name on Turkey Day.)

Let's look at some rather horrifying foods that would have us running for the kids' table.


Jell-O

Need leftovers ideas? Just hash everything together, congeal it, pile it up.

Image: Shelf Life Taste Test / Flickr


Orange and Olives Turkey

"I get the radish caruncles!" said no child ever.

Image: Vintage Ad Browser


Turkey Loaf

I'll just chew the garnish, thank you.

Image: Vintage Recipe Cards

Apple Mallow Yam Yums

Throw some of your leftover Halloween candy in there while you're at it.

Image: Eudamonius / Flickr


Cranberry-Fish Soufflé Salad

Is that a giant Swedish Fish?

Image: Cindi Whittaker / Flickr


Frozen Jellied Turkey Vegetable Salad

This lump comes from the 1975 cookbook Carefree Cooking With Aluminum Foil. Were the vegetables applied to the sides with a literal peashooter?

Image: Charm and Poise / Flickr

Camel Cigarettes After Every Course

Smoke a Camel "right after the soup." After the Waldorf Salad? Have another to "clear the palate." A smoke adds another "final touch of comfort" to dessert… Did everyone have a fresh pack on their place setting?

Image: sa_steve / Flickr


Cranberry Candles

For those mayonnaise lovers who have ever walked into a Yankee Candle store in the mall and thought, "I'm suddenly hungry."

Image: catzuzan / eBay


Even More Cranberry Candles

Image: Retro Recipe Attempts

Oh, this was really a widespread practice. Cranberry sauce, strawberry Jell–O, salt, mayonnaise, walnuts. On fire.

Old Gold Cigarettes

Phew! Now that your belly is fully of creamy fruit candle, time for another cigarette break.

Image: Autostraddle


Holiday Vegetable Loaf

Loafing around is always part of Thanksgiving.

Image: Autostraddle


Spam Birds

Why stuff a bird when you can stuff a slice of Spam?

Image: thekitschbitsch


Fiesta Salad

On the lower left, the recipe calls for dates, orange slices and cottage cheese. Sounds like Weight Watchers, circa 1981.

Image: thekitschbitsch / JonWilliamson.com


Hot Dr. Pepper

Wash it all down with some flat, steaming soda.

Image: Autostraddle

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